Don’t ask
how sure I am about you
I wouldn’t be happy
to answer
she looked at me
one last time
and smiled
she thought I was joking
but my sombre face
didn’t change
my voice was serious
a cigarette
between my fingers
smoke rising
between us
she almost cried
I didn’t know
you would go this low
just to get rid of me
when did you start smoking?
you never used to smoke
before I could finish
the cigarette
she had already left
crying
I couldn’t say anything
it all ended
once and for all
then came
packs of cigarettes
in the following days
more bottles of beer
wine
local ales
all kinds of intoxication
to get rid of the memory
but the memory
grew heavier
so heavy
that I began meeting
random people on dates
trying to pretend
I was different
but I saw her
in every person I met
her hand
caressing my hair
when the headache
became too much
her smile
at my silly jokes
I missed
that expression
still
I kept trying
to build her again
from random people
taking one thing
from one person
another thing
from someone else
but the pieces
never fitted
and none of them
ever made me feel whole
NEPHART.COM 
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