no matter how big the town is
when someone you love lives there
it feels like
the whole town belongs to you
its noises
its flowers
its trees
especially in autumn
when the leaves fall
and i crush them beneath my feet
their rustling makes me feel
she is calling me
when it rains in her town
the tiny droplets
feel like they are caressing my skin
which she never did
i used to walk
through every alley
every street
hoping for just one glimpse of her
just to see her
even from a distance
and my whole day
would become divine
there was not much else i could do
when my number was blocked
meeting her
would have been the best thing
after sunrise
sometimes
she would text me
and suddenly
hope would return
i would think
this is it
a new beginning
maybe now
she will meet me
but slowly
those messages became poison
because every message
gave me something to hope for
and every silence afterwards
took it away
she became
both the wound
and the medicine
the person hurting me
and the only person
i thought could heal me
i was never happy
on an ordinary swing
she moved me
with her mood swings
sometimes close
sometimes far
sometimes making me believe
there was something between us
i used to assume
she loved me
until one day
i understood
maybe i was only
her escape
a place she came to
when the person she loved
was too far from her
and strangely
like me
she too was chasing someone
while i was chasing her
and without knowing it
i had become part
of a circle
or maybe
a triangle
only god knows
