NEPHART.COM

if i could do something again

something i regret

something i shouldn’t have done

i wouldn’t change everything

just that beginning

when a classmate

made a rumor

said you were my love interest

i would say—

i didn’t think about it at first

it was just noise

but then

you reacted with anger

said it wasn’t true

and somehow

that moment

made me look at you differently

i tried to ignore it

tried to shut my friends up

but like modern day tabloids

like social media

like a wired network that never sleeps

my paparazzi friends

made it viral

across the whole school

and then

for some reason

i validated a rumor

i expressed myself

openly sometimes

secretly sometimes

emails in the evening

hotmail msn

inside a cyber cafe

and sometimes in person

when you crossed that bridge

near the school

when no one was around

your slap

wasn’t personal

i know

you just wanted me to understand

you were not into me

tearing my valentine cards

wasn’t personal either

maybe you were saying

love is not written

in a few fancy words

my one-sided story

became popular

a story i never meant to publish

later i tried to clarify

said i wasn’t into you

but deep down

i was

for 10 years and more

your memory stayed

not always pain

sometimes goosebumps

sometimes happiness

bittersweet

like something unfinished

i regret one thing the most

telling my friends

about that last photo

i said

it would be my first and last

photoshoot with you

you came prepared

even brought your own cameraman

ready

for a simple picture

but my friends again

like paparazzi

they swarmed

you didn’t like it

still

somehow

a picture was taken

poor light

bad angle

not perfect

but maybe

better than nothing

i don’t know

if you ever got that photo

but

i’m sorry

i couldn’t be part

of your perfect camera click