Losing weight is as easy as knocking out Mike Tyson in a video game.
All you need to do is wear tight pants. Not slightly tight. Tight enough to make you question every decision that brought you to that moment.
At first, it might feel like torture. But eventually, you’ll start working towards making those pants feel comfortable again.
Wear them every morning for two hours and do whatever exercise you like. Don’t listen to anyone. As long as you can jump, jump. If you can dance, dance. If you can shake your body, shake it.
Give that body a little shake.
Shake away whatever you’ve accumulated over the years, including the food, the laziness, and all those motivational quotes you saved but never followed.
Use the discomfort of the tight pants as motivation.
Go for it.
Another technique is to take a small plate and fill it with food.
Now comes the psychology.
Your mind is easily fooled. It sees a small plate completely covered with food and thinks, “Bloody hell, look at all this food.”
Meanwhile, your stomach knows the truth.
You’re actually eating less than you used to.
Maybe you were using a plate the size of a satellite dish before. Now you have something that looks like it belongs to a child’s tea party.
Fill it up.
Less food, right?
Less carbs, perhaps?
I don’t know. I’m not a nutritionist.
I’m just a man with a small plate.
Another technique is to stop eating after 6.
Eat whatever you want from your small plate, then completely stop eating after 6.
Your body will finally get some time to digest everything you threw at it during the day.
And then you can sleep peacefully.
You can drink water if you want. Plain water. Just don’t drink too much before bed.
You don’t want to wake up at 2 a.m. desperate for a piss, wondering why you decided to drink a swimming pool before going to sleep.
Evening walks are another option if you don’t like waking up early.
I understand.
It’s cold outside.
The blanket is warm.
The bed loves you.
The weather is basically telling you to stay where you are.
But get up.
Go for a brisk walk.
You don’t even have to go far. If you don’t want to leave the house, walk from one room to another.
Walk upstairs.
Walk downstairs.
Walk past the fridge without opening it.
That last one is advanced training.
If you live in a block of flats, go up and down the stairs. If you see your neighbour, greet them. They might think you’ve lost your mind, but at least you’re moving.
Walk a few blocks around the community.
Keep track of your miles on your phone or watch.
Watch the time.
Keep moving.
And if you need more tips, well…..
I’m not an expert.
But Humpty Dumpty was once my client.
And look at him.
He lost weight so successfully that he couldn’t even put himself back together again.
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