NEPHART.COM

i remember

i was left out

from my friends’ circle

even my brothers’ circle

all the pictures

all the uploads

and my presence

was nowhere

i understand

i might have been busy

i might not have had time

to join them

but it never cost anything

to ask

a call

a message

even if my phone was unreachable

the distance between my house

and theirs

was never an atlantic ocean

i was not a rare creature

with rare sightings

i never had a personal secretary

nobody needed an appointment

my heart was open

even on holidays

twenty four hours a day

what stopped them

from reaching out

if they thought

i had no money

i would have managed somehow

just to be part

of the memory

the younger days

butterfly feelings

awkward love

restless eyes

i would have chosen

those ordinary moments

over sitting at home

confined between four walls

trying to connect

with strangers

on the internet

pretending

they were my next door neighbours

they were not

just another lonely soul

on the other side

of the wire

i do not blame

those circles

because i was never

part of them

they tried

to make me feel

i belonged

but i was square

inside a circle

their smiles

carefully shaped

to look genuine

taught my younger self

to believe

they were my own

they were not

the mirror

was the only one

that watched

my tears

my silence

my fading smile

and the feelings

were never mine

to begin with

they were only the weight

of being left outside

until i carried them

as if they had always

belonged to me