I Never Returned Her Autobook

I remember

she used to pass her autobook

to everyone

back in those days

before MySpace

before Facebook

when memories

fit inside a few pages

your best photograph

your likes

your dislikes

your hobbies

nicknames

a few quotes

a few poems

some borrowed

some deeply personal

the sky is blue

forget me not

I love you

that was enough

to make you smile

every autobook

felt like a little universe

turn those pages today

and they carry you back

to a place

you never really wanted to leave

those young

beautiful days

the real hackers

were the ones

who tore out pages

and kept them forever

I was different

I never tore a page

I simply never returned

her autobook

because I could never

turn past the first one

every time I opened it

her photograph

was there

greeting me

as though

she was quietly inviting me

into her little world

made of words

a bubble

that never burst

it simply kept floating

inside my heart

brushing against old memories

stirring feelings

I thought had settled

I never wrote

in that autobook

I never wrote

in anyone’s autobook

instead

I filled little pieces of paper

with poems

almost every day

after I fell in love

and she made sure

my membership

in the One Sided Love Association

was approved

without an interview

without an entrance exam

without my consent

I resigned

a long time ago

yet somehow

I still find myself

attending the meetings

sometimes

I still hope

she returns

like a forgotten autobook

because now

I have so much to write

so much to tell

I hope

this time

she would accept me

the way I was

the way I am

unfiltered

like the words

inside her autobook

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One response to “I Never Returned Her Autobook”

  1. Sheknowsallblog Avatar

    That line “I simply never returned her autobook because I could never turn past the first one” that’s the whole architecture of unrequited love right there. You’ve made this physical object into something sacred, a refusal to move forward that’s actually a kind of devotion. And the shift at the end where you say “now I have so much to write” there’s such quiet devastation in realizing the words came too late, or to the wrong person. But also something honest: that the writing itself was real, even if she never read it.

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